Birkett 2009

Well, we've been talking about it long enough, now we finally gone and done it, last weekend, Uncle Mike and I defected slightly from our Mad Racing roots, and joined the Run Baby Run team for the Birkett six-hour.

The Birkett is a six-hour endurance race where teams of four, five or six drivers/cars compete to do as many laps as they can in the allocated time. It sounds simple enough, but there is also a handicap system which is supposed to level out the relative performance of a wide variety of cars such that it is a fair race. No one really seems to know how this works, but the gist of it is you win by lapping consistently at your car's fastest pace.

So that all cleared up, the usual Mad Racing team of Uncle Mike, Suzie Sue, JB, Big Al and I headed off to Silverstone to meet our team for the day. Our team consisted of a selection of the guys we usually race against - John, Mark, Chris, Guy, plus uncle Mike and myself. We also had Jim who had helpfully volunteered as team captain, and Suzie Sue who became chief timekeeper, pit board executive, motivational speechmaker, etc.

Ahead of our arrival Jim had already done an excellent organisational job and presented us with a spreadsheet showing how many laps we had to do when we had to do it, he generally looked extremely organised. We each had a 15 minute practice, and I was out first. It was a great feeling to be back in our race car after 12 months absence, and even the pouring rain did nothing to dampen my spirits. The 15 minute practice passed in a mist of spray, rushing scenery, and oversteer. Now I've never considered myself to be one to complain about the rain, but the combination of our car’s slick tyres, 170ish bhp, and oversteery balance added up to quite a challenge! We had already figured out that practice had no bearing on either the starting grid or results of the race, and hence it was just a chance to get used to the car, and all I really had to do was keep it on the black stuff, and bring it home ready for Mike to do his practice.

With practice duly finished, it was back into the pits, for a rapid seat/steering wheel change ready for Mike to do his practice, and then following Mike’s practice put everything back to my settings ready to lead team Run Baby Run in our first stint!

After the usual pep talk from the team (don't rush, it is not a race, you won’t get there any faster, etc) I was lining up on the grid ready for the start of the Birkett. And the first thought I had in my mind was what Revs do you use to launch our car in monsoon conditions? usually we dial up about 3500 rpm, sidestepped the clutch, and disappear off into the distance, but with the added factor of rain, as the red lights came on, I dialled up an enormous 1500 rpm and trickled off the line as the light went green. Now usually at this point I give a reasonable overview of what happened during the race, but I have to admit I'm struggling to remember mainly because all I could see was spray and make occasional red light on the car in front, compounded by the fact that every time I touched the throttle the car instantly span up rear wheels. Now this was quite amusing in second gear out of Maggots, but rather less so going across the start finish line in fourth gear... anyway, I soon realised that the sensible move was to drive well below the limits of adhesion, take it steady, and not do anything daft, unfortunately this would also have been the boring solution, so I proceeded to push as hard as I possibly could sliding round at every opportunity. It turned out that I wasn't the only person who thought that going slowly was a bit boring, and we were soon behind the safety car waiting for a few minor incidents to be cleared.

After the safety car came in, it was quite clear that our car was relatively quick in the rain - and I was extremely pleased to see our old Locost sparring partner Tim Grey in my mirrors for quite a lot of the session – See Tim –still got it, a bit..... it was also quite clear that it was a sight slightly different form of racing to we are used to - the speed difference between the various different types of cars was very high, and there wasn't much battling for positions, generally it was about getting on with the business of putting laps in, and not about position. It was also quite clear that some of the cars were much better suited to the pouring rain than ours - as we were occasionally overtaken by cars which we would normally have been way slower than us. Anyway, I was having a whale of a time sliding my way round Silverstone, and went for an overtake on a Morgan on the back straight. Just as I pulled alongside I suddenly lost all power... must be fuel I thought, so I gave a bit of a wiggle to see if that would help, but to no avail - I had no power and was just coasting along. I was just beginning to wonder what to do when a loud crunch made by an MR2 driving into the back of me disturbed my train of thought -that will be a few more quid donated to the people you make rear lights then. Anyway, the engine was dead so I pulled off the circuit, coasted onto the infield and got out. I started pushing our car back towards the pits only to realise that there was a large bridge in the way, so soon gave up, dumped the car and went to collect JB with a towrope.

It turned out to be a really minor issue - our cold air feed had come undone from the front of the bodywork, and the tube had sucked itself onto our splitter, thus starving the engine of air, and causing it to die.

The boys effected a fix, did a quick check over the car, laughed at the fact I look like a drowned rat, strapped me back in and sent me out for the second stint. It was more of the same amusing game again. Oversteery on the way in, oversteery through the middle of a corner, and oversteery through the exit - in fact I think the only way to really get an appreciation of quite how slippery it was is to take a look at the video footage. In the car, my lap timer was showing 2:06, which compared to the dry lap time of 1:36ish seemed rubbish, but at the same time we seem to be keeping up with some very fast looking cars, so I concluded everything must be fine. I can't remember ever having to correct a car quite as much as I did during the stint at Silverstone. I've certainly driven the car in the rain at Oulton Park, but perhaps the wide-open nature of Silverstone made me feel a bit braver, and going through copse at 70mph with a Quarter turn of Opposite lock on seemed quite normal thing to do! Anyway, in what felt like far too short amount of time, Suzie Sue was waving the Pit Board at me showing it was my time to come in - in fact it was a very short amount of time, had only gone five laps of my 20 lap stint, so I came into the pits and was directed straight to the sin bin, and told to go to the clerk of the course. What had I done? I was sure I had driven an extremely clean session - in the 15 seconds it took me to climb the stairs to the clerk of the course, I couldn't think of anything I’d done worthy of a bollocking, and so was rather relieved when I found out I'd been pulled in because one of our team had exceeded the pit lane speed limit - easily done in the heat of battle!

So I was quickly back out onto the circuit to enjoy slip-sliding around the rest of my session. It was awesome fun, and each time I passed the Pit Board, I was a bit disappointed that my number of laps remaining was going down. Finally, after perhaps 20 minutes of driving as fast as I could, my time was up and I pulled into the Pits to hand the Baton over to Uncle Mike and the rest of the team.

I was a bit gutted that I had no more driving to do, but also extremely keen to get Uncle Mike out onto the circuit, and see what went on in the pits. A quick track map review with UM – its slippy, go slow..... and I was on the Pit wall with Suzie Sue shouting our usual supportive “Mike, Mike, Mike” as Uncle Mike flew round in the rain, and shouting other encouraging words to our other team members.

So, how did we do? Well, we achieved something which very few people manage on their first Birkett - We came home dead last, which I think may be a first for both Mike and myself, but the result was not important. We all had a fantastic day's racing, drove our hearts out, laughed the entire time we weren't driving, and generally enjoyed ourselves as much as it is polite to do so! I was also lucky enough to get our teams fastest lap time in the wet, which after a year off racing was quite a pleasant surprise, and despite receiving the wooden spoon award, it felt like a win to me! Roll on next year.

Many thanks to Jim, John, , Mark, Chris, Guy in addition to the usual MAD Racing team. It was a privilege to be in a team with you all, and beautifully organised.

P.S. The Birkett marks not only the end of the 2009 season, but also the end of the Flying Snotsman/Kermit/Mike Wazowski era, as our car is now up for sale. But don't worry dear reader, plans are afoot to a new racecar with which to tackle the 2010 season, just as soon as we can find another one in lurid green.......